Broken

“We are broken people living in a broken world with other broken people.” – Tullian Tchividjian

 
It’s something we know. But do we really? 
 
Sit and think about it for a second. Think about the depth of the hole we have dug for ourselves.
 
As I am sitting here studying for this Anthropology test, the slides my professor uses upset me more and more.  My professor is giving us the names and authors of all of these books that talk about the unnecessary act of marriage.
 
“Why get married? It’s too confining.” – lame, lazy excuse.
 
“Why get married when you can just live with someone?” – lame, lazy excuse.
 
I think the reason this is so upsetting to me is that I can’t refute the facts he is giving. Marriage is a widely failed practice now. But the problem isn’t the institution of marriage, it is the shallowness of people.
 
Yes. The shallowness of US.
 
Nowadays, our romantic relationships are defined by sex. 
“The couples who have had sex and are still together must have it ‘figured out.’ The couples who have not had sex obviously are sheltered and have an incredibly shallow relationship. “
 
Because that absolutely makes sense. A couple who relies on physical intimacy to fill their time together OBVIOUSLY has a deeper relationship than the cute “Christian” couple who holds tight to their virginity and fills their time with “meaningless conversation.”
NO. 
 
Friends, I am not writing this to condemn you if you’ve had sex and you’re not married. But I am going to challenge you to find deeper intimacy than sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend. 
Know each other. 
Don’t just know what turns him or her on, know what makes them who they are. 
Don’t just know a certain spot to find, find an emotional scar from their childhood and ask them about the story!
 
Michael Gungor wrote a book that each person from the handful of people who read this should read. Here’s a quote from it:
 
“Deeper than the skin and bones, we are made of stories.”
 
Your relationship isn’t made by the number of times the sheets are pulled back or by the amount of time spent with him or her in one night. Relationships are made and made deep by the number of stories you share with each other.
 
*******
 
So, how do we fix it [marriage]?
 
If you get offended easily, I’m gonna ask you to take a deep breath before reading my answer.
 
You ready?
 
Here it is:
SUCK IT UP. 
 
STILL SINGLE?
Matt Chandler put it incredibly when he was talking specifically to single guys:
 
“Stop being an ignorant jackass…if you don’t know how you feel about a girl, then stay the crap away fromher. Don’t date her to figure it out! When you do that you leave a mess for the next guy, thank ya very much.”
 
MAYBE DATING?
If you take that philosophy about dating, then the same logic {to a greater extreme} should be taken to the picture of marriage.
 
If you’re dating a girl who maybe you’re not sure if you could stay with forever, then don’t just marry her to figure it out. That’s called being an ignorant jackass and no one likes that. I promise.
 
ARE YOU MARRIED?
If you ARE married and it is getting hard, seek help. Don’t seek help from someone who has been married and divorced 6 times and is currently living with someone they don’t know. Seek help from someone who has maybe been married and divorced once and then remarried and hasn’t left the second marriage for almost 2 decades. 
 
Don’t be scared or prideful. For the sake of your spouse, seek help. Counseling is a thing for a reason.
 
HAVE KIDS?
You’re in for the long haul. Please don’t do that to your kids. Unless it is an abusive thing, suck it up.
 
 
Please remember that I am not righteous. I don’t have all of the answers. I only know the stuff that I do because I have asked questions and sought help. I am not better than you and calling you out from a pedestal, I’m just tired of the joke into which America has made marriage.
 
Food for thought:
Laugh. Play. Go on adventures. Be humble. Be open. HAVE FUN.
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